Universal Imbalance
by eliana-moran
Summary: Draco is disturbed when Ginny doesn't rise to his bait. What happened to the fire? the wit? He determines to restore balance to the universe recover his favourite sparring partner. Caring about someone for ANY reason can only lead to caring FOR them.
1. Draco Notices

Malfoy slid open the door of their compartment to continue the tradition of starting the year out right, with a healthy dose of insults.

The exchange was going nicely, Weasley was turning that horrid shade of red, Potter looked like he was about to have a fit, and Granger looked disgusted with the whole thing. Yup, this was how life was supposed to be. Malfoy smirked, pleased with himself and his ability to get them so riled up so easily.

The smirk was easily wiped off his face, however, with the Weaslette spoke.

"Oh, sod of Malfoy."

It wasn't so much her words, it was how she said them. In the past couple of years she had grown a great deal stronger than she had been as a little girl and, quite frankly, she was the only one who presented a challenge. Today, however, her words held no venom, no bite, not disdainful boredom, they were simply...hollow.

He caught her eye and held it for a moment. She made no effort to turn away and met his gaze squarely. The emptiness and pain in her eyes unnerved him. Those eyes were supposed to full of life and fight. They hadn't looked this dim and dead since her first year.

He shook himself out of it, managed to say, "Original," and left.

He watched for the first few weeks of school. She talked and laughed, seemingly just like always, but there was something different, something wrong. He couldn't understand why no one else picked up on it. Her smile and laughter never reached her eyes. Her voice always sounded strained and tired. She consistently flicked her eyes toward the exit every few minutes as though she would like nothing better than to leave. Worst of all, however, she never rose to his bait.

When he would insult her or her friends in the halls, she would either ignore him completely, say "It's only Malfoy" and keep walking, or look him in the eye and ask "Then why waist your breath speaking to us?"

It wasn't that he was worried about her, that would imply that he cared. He had simply grown accustomed to her wit and found that it left a gaping hole in his daily entertainment. Not to mention the complete and sudden reversal in her demeanor just seemed _wrong_ somehow.

Determined to provoke a fight with the Weaslette and restore order to his universe, he concentrated his efforts on her during the first term. She didn't seem to notice or care. Her brother and his friends did, however, and apparently didn't approve. He didn't care. It wasn't like _they_ were doing anything to snap the girl out of her...well, whatever it was.

By the time the Christmas holidays were approaching, he was beginning to get extremely frustrated. If anything, she was paying _less_ attention to him, not _more_. Somewhere along the line it had become more personal, in multiple ways. First of all, the more he watched her the more difficult it became _not_ to worry about her and what was wrong with her. On the other hand, she was ignoring _him_. She didn't ignore anyone else; sure, she may not be as interested in them as she used to be, but she at least _tried_. Granted, they weren't trying to make her angry and constantly insulting her, but the least she could do was insult him back, even if she didn't mean it.

Yes, he did know he was reacting like an eight year old, but it was his only option. He couldn't do anything else _but_ insult her. It wasn't like he could just walk up to her and ask her what was wrong. The universe would just _stop_ if he did that, wouldn't it? Besides, she would probably think it was just a set up of some kind. No one, especially her, would ever believe he was concerned.


	2. Ginny Changes

Sirius was dead. No one knew what that meant to her and she didn't feel like enlightening them. She sat in their compartment on the train reliving how she had gotten close to him.

_During her second year, she had gone exploring during one of the Hogsmeade weekends. Well, she certainly wasn't going to let age hold her back, not when she had practically been raised by Fred and George. While she was exploring, she met a rather large black dog that seemed rather hungry and in need of a friend. After what had happened her first year, she could use all the friends she could find, so she fed the dog and played with him all afternoon._

_He seemed so intelligent and so sad when she had to return to the castle that she decided she would sneek out occasionaly and make sure he was doing all right. One night she had spotted him in the distance and approached him, but he didn't notice her and kept walking in the opposite direction. As he left the town and headed for the hills behind it she hesitated, not sure whether she should follow him or not, but as she had brought with her a particularly juicy bone, she decided to._

_She tried calling after him a few times, but he didn't seem to hear. Finally, she saw him disappear into a cave. She smiled, finally he would stop. As she entered the cave she called, "Hey boy! I brought you a..." but she froze mid-sentence when she saw not a dog but a man sitting in the cave. It wasn't just any man either, it was the man from the cover of the wanted posters, Sirius Black._

_He was on his feet and watching her carefully. He looked like he might make a grab for her if she moved so she stood perfectly still, although it must be admitted that she did so mostly out of shock rather than intelligence._

_As she stood there, she looked him in the eye. He didn't seem angry or threatening. What he seemed was terrified and almost pleading. His eyes didn't look anything like Tom's eyes had, so cold and calculating._

_"...bone," she finished her early statement and held out her gift._

_He looked at her for a moment and then at the bone and back at her._

_"I...it has some meat on it still. I don't know if you'll want it...I brought it for a dog..."_

_He continued to look back and forth between her and the bone. Running his fingers through his hair he started to move forward but hesitated. He seemed to be afraid that if he got to close she'd run away._

_Trying to put him a little more at ease, she took a step toward him. He took a step back._

_"You...you aren't...afraid?" his voice was hoarse from disuse._

_"You don't look so scary, just lonely," she shrugged._

_He barked mirthless laughter and finally stepped forward to take the bone but darted back away from her again. "You've been nice to me...thank you."_

_"So you are the dog?" she asked and he nodded. "See, more reason to trust you. You could have killed me lots of times, but instead you licked my hands and wagged your tail. Just cuz you're a man now doesn't make us any less friends."_

_"Then...you won't tell anyone I'm here?" he was still eyeing her cautiously._

_She shook her head. "You aren't here to kill Harry, are you?" it was more of a statement than a question._

_He shook his head._

_After that, she continued to visit him on occasion. She brought him food more suitable for a human and told him about her first year and Tom's diary and he told her about Azkaban and Pettigrew. She had volunteered a vow of secrecy regarding the information he gave her, letting him handle things in his own way. She was only twelve, after all, and she had made a rather large mess of things the year before._

_When he realized how deeply Tom's diary had effected her, he decided to do something to help. He asked her to buy two identical notebooks and bring them to him. She did so, curiously but without asking why. Borrowing her wand, he cast a spell, linking them. Anything she wrote in hers would appear in his and vice versa. He sat her down and they had a whole conversation writing in the notebooks while sitting side by side to get her comfortable to the idea. They had used them ever since to keep in touch._

_Even after Harry and the others knew the truth about him, she kept her friendship with him a secret and he never betrayed her. She reminded him a lot of Lily when she had been young and he felt that even if he couldn't help Harry the way he wanted to, he could help Ginny the way she needed most. It made him feel useful and needed. He became a cross between a big brother and an uncle to her, a bit of a mentor. She became like a daughter to him, and a friend._

All of that was in the past now, because he was dead. If she couldn't tell Harry about how close she had been to his godfather before, she certainly couldn't tell him how deeply she felt the loss.

Malfoy barged in for the start of year ritual. Growing tired of the bickering, she told him to sod off. When he caught her eye, she held his gaze evenly, too tired for a serious confrontation. She breathed a sigh of relief when he left.

To be honest, she was too tired for a lot of things. She did her best to keep up appearances and seemed to be doing a good job. The only odd reaction she was getting from anyone beyond a searching glance or two was the obnoxiously increased attention from Malfoy. He seemed more determined to get a rise out of her than ever. She wondered why it bothered him so much when she ignored him. Probably hurt his pride.

Whatever his reasons were, by the time Christmas holidays were approaching, she was almost ready to give him what he was asking for. Couldn't he tell that all she wanted was to be left alone? No, of course not. No one else could, so why should he? Besides, even if he did notice, it would probably just be more motivation to annoy her. All she knew was that if she let herself rise to his bait she would go too far and release all of her pent up emotions on him and that would not be good.


	3. Draco Moves

Her red hair stood out against the snow. He stood there, watching her from the tower. He had been certain that she had gone home. Her brother had gone home. What was she still doing here?

The small dot of colour made its way through the vast field of white. He watched her stop. He watched her fall. He almost lost sight of her as it began to snow again. She couldn't stay out there. She would freeze. It looked like there was a blizzard starting and she hadn't even gotten to her feet yet, much less turn back to the castle.

He ran down the stairs and outside. Wrapping himself tighter in his cloak and scarf, he began fighting his way down to where he had seen her.

When he finally reached her he realized she was crying. It was only the residual sobs of an exhausted body releasing the tension of previously convulsing muscles, but that was perhaps more pitiful. She had been alone when she needed someone most. Why had she stayed here? What had hurt her so deeply that she refused to share it with her family?

He wrapped his arms around her, almost expecting her to throw him off, but she didn't fight him. He helped her to her feet and pulled the end of his scarf out of his cloak. Using the end that was still warm from being against his body, he wiped the quickly freezing tears from her face.

She looked up at him and, again, he expected her to pull away from him, but she just lowered her eyes again.

He led her back to the castle. It took them longer than he would have like to fight their way through the growing storm. By the time they had made it inside she could barely stand under the force of her shivering.

He looked around and decided to take her to the room of requirement. He propped her up against the wall while he made the trips up and down the hall. When the door appeared he scooped up off the floor where she had slid down and helped her inside.

There was a roaring fire and an overstuffed sofa before it. On a table at one end there were two steaming mugs of cocoa and a plate of assorted cookies. He led her to the couch, curious as to why there were two mugs since he didn't really expect to be staying. He still didn't believe she would really want him intruding on her grief, whatever caused it.

He set her down on the couch where she immidiately curled up on herself. He took a seat next to her, turned so he could look at her.

"Are you going to be okay? Are you warm enough?" he asked.

She looked up at him with an unreadable expression on her face and then did the most surprising thing of all. She scooted closer to him and curled up against him.

He just sat there, stiff, thoroughly confused and clueless as to what he should do. She was supposed to hate him. More than that, he was supposed to hate _her_. This was not the way things were supposed to be. This would most _certainly _through the universe even _further_ off balance than it already was.

She had remained at school to be alone. That was the only answer he could come up with. He relaxed a little as he begin to think things through and his arm natural draped around her. The way she watched the exits and occasionally fidgeted it had been obvious, to him at least, that she had wanted to be alone for a while now. So why in Merlin's name did she want _him_ to stay?

She couldn't find the comfort she needed in her friends and family for one reason or another. She couldn't even tell them what was bothering her. So why in the world had she curled up in _his_ arms?

Whatever it was, hiding it from everyone took so much out of her she didn't have the strength to be annoyed by anything else. It wasn't just him. He had finally realized that her patience with her brother had somehow grown infinitely as well. Or maybe everything annoyed her as much as always but she was just afraid that if she expressed one feeling she would express them all.

He rested his head on hers. He had no clue. All he knew was that she shouldn't be one to hide how she feels. She was supposed to be _real_; she was supposed to be _warm_; she was supposed to be _alive_. That was her obligation to the universe. He was the one who hid. He was the one who wore a mask; he was the one who was cold; he was the one who lived dead. That was _his_ role. They were supposed to hate each other. Fire versus ice; love versus hate; honesty versus deceit; that was what kept the universe in balance.


	4. Ginny Falls

Ginny had convinced her mother to let her remain at school. She claimed to need the time to study for her OWLs. Really, she just wanted to be alone. She had wanted to be alone for a long time. This would probably be her only opportunity.

She went for a walk alone on the ground. As she approached the lake, she spread her arms wide and turned her face to the sky. She inhaled the silence, the solitude, the peace. She exhaled the tension, the mask, the pent up emotions.

As the last bit of air left her lungs she fell to her knees in tears. She hadn't cried yet. She didn't want to cry now. She couldn't stop herself. This is what happens when you relax. Your body does what it needs to do, and without the built up tension there is nothing you can do to stop it.

It started snowing again. There would probably be a blizzard. She didn't care. Maybe she would just go to sleep out here. They say freezing is a peaceful way to go. No, she wouldn't let herself die, but she wouldn't move until she absolutely had to.

She didn't know how long she had been kneeling there, but the stormy crying had subsided into the occasional sob as her body forced out the last of the unwanted tension. She thought she was dreaming when she felt warm arms wrap themselves around her. They were so comfortable. They couldn't be real.

She felt herself being pulled to her feet. Probably a good thing. She probably _had_ stayed out too long to make it back to the castle on her own.

She looked up when she felt someone wiping her face with soft, warm cotton. She didn't know why but it didn't surprise her to see it was Malfoy. She didn't really care anyway. After all, he was probably the only one who understood what it was like to go through life pretending to be someone else.

He led her back to the castle and she relied on his strength to get there. Why was he helping her? What did he care? It didn't really matter. He was warm and he was strong.

He took her upstairs and left her against the wall. She watched him walk up and down the hall, sliding to the floor, unable to support her own weight. He came back to her and helped her up again, taking her inside the warm room.

He set her down on the couch and she curled up on herself, expecting him to just leave her there. Why did that make her feel worse? She had wanted to be alone, hadn't she?

She looked at him in surprise when he sat down next to her. Did he really just ask if she was okay? Was he really worried about her? He wanted to know if she was warm enough. Well, to be perfectly honest, she hadn't felt warm since the end of last term, that was, until she had felt his arms around her.

She surprised herself by scooting close to him and curling up next to him. She felt him stiffen under her, but he didn't push her off and he didn't storm out.

Well, she had become distant from those around her; she had taken to wearing a mask to hide who she really was; she had lost all her energy and love of life. She supposed it only made sense that Malfoy would be gentle and concerned. She felt him relax and snuggled closer to him when his arm draped around her. The universe did have to maintain a balance, after all.


	5. Imbalance

Malfoy sat there with Ginny snuggled up next to him for hours. He didn't know if he should say something...do something...anything. He couldn't even figure out how he had gotten himself in this mess. He just wanted her back to normal. He just wanted the fight, the spark, the life, where it should be. He just wanted his universe to work the way it should and somehow he had ended up here, _holding_ a Gryffindor! A Weasley at that! The female Weasley to add insult to injury!

He felt her stir. This was _not_ good! He did NOT care about her! All he cared about was himself and his rutines and his own entertainment. Great! Her breathing was slowing down. Even that last bit of tension she had held onto was slowly fading away. She was falling asleep on him!

He stiffened up again and removed his arm from her shoulders. "Hey!" he almost yelled in her ear, "You don't get to _sleep_ here!" There was clear annoyance and disgust in his voice. Yes, that was the way a Malfoy's voice was supposed to sound, all he had to do was maintain it...

Wait...maybe he should have make sure she was back to normal before he put her on the defensive? He was losing his mind.

She had almost been asleep when her pillow moved and yelled in her ear. She had known the comfort was too good to be true. She sat up and blinked at him wearily before she registered what was really going on.

She had been falling asleep on Malfoy. He had, for some unknown reason, gone completely mad and been nice to her, but there it was, all of the disgust and conceit, right back where it should be. She just rolled her eyes, grabbed her cloak, even though she couldn't remember taking it off, and headed for the door.

"Wait!" Malfoy called after her.

She turned to see him standing before the fire with an unreadable expression on his face. She adopted one of annoyed impatience.

"Look...I just..." he really couldn't figure out _what_ to say, forget _how_ to say it. His features kept cycling through disgust, impatience, confusion, pleading, and a even a little concern was thrown in there somewhere.

She sighed heavily and shifted her cloak in her arms. "I'm _fine_ Malfoy. I'd thank you for saving my life but I'm not sure how much civility you can stand in one day." Sarcasm was heavy in her voice.

"Then...then you're back to normal now?" he asked searchingly.

She took a really deep breath, trying to steady herself. _Here we go_, she though to herseld."Normal? And just _what_ is normal?" she demanded.

He got a confused look on his face again. She really had him off his guard. Why couldn't the universe take care of ITSELF! "Normal! You know...alive? Not whatever this...moping..._thing_ you've become?" he offered, retreating to familiar ground, sneering.

That was it. That was all she could take. She had known this would happen if she let herself speak to him, and it had. "_THING?_ Thing? _You_ are calling _me_ a thing?" She dropped her coat and took a step forward. "And what would know about it anyway?" she demanded, anger rising in her voice. "Have you ever _cared_ about anyone? Much less _lost_ them?" Tears were stinging the backs of her eyes, but _that_ she would not give him.

Finally, she was going to explain what was going on. Once she did that, balance would be restored and...

She interrupted his thoughts. "You know what? For_get_ it! You don't understand; you don't care; so why bother?" She had managed to rein herself in, realizing that it was the _only_ way she could get to him. She turned to leave again.

"Wait!" he called after her again. She had adopted that distanced tone and look again and he hadn't sat there holding her all evening for nothing!

"WHAT!" She spun around and faced him again.

That was better. The anger was back on her face. "You're talking about that _Black_ fellow, aren't you?" He crossed his arms triumphantly. "What, were you in love with him or something? He was old enough to be your father!"

She closed her eyes and clenched her jaw, trying to calm down. When she opened her eyes she found his, stared into them, and said, "He was the only real friend I had. He was the only one who knew everything. He was the only one I could talk to. He was _family_. Now he's _gone_ and I'm _alone_! Now _that's_ something even _you_ can understand. I've been cold since he died. I haven't felt _anything_! Not until you held me... Then I felt safe. I knew it couldn't last because it's _you_ and _you_ can't let _anything_ be _nice_, but I just thought I'd be able to find some comfort in this evening, something to hold on to. Why can't you let me have that much? Why couldn't you just keep your slimy little mouth _shut!_ You could have slipped out from under me and _left_ you know!" She shook her head bitterly. "I don't care why you helped me. I might have wondered before but now I don't care. If you'll excuse me..." She bent down to pick up her cloak.

He ran around to the door. She couldn't be alone! She couldn't feel that horrible emptiness! That was obviously the source of the imbalance! In all of his contemplations of balance, the effects the war would have on the world never entered his mind. All he knew was that something had gone horribly wrong in his life when the spark left Weasley's eyes and he was grasping at straws to figure out what it was.

When she looked up she strangled a scream. She tried to leave anyway, but he was firmly in her way and there was no way around him.

"What about your brother? Weasel King, surely he's there for you," he offered.

She looked at him like he had lost him mind. "Yeah, the bloke who can't see me unless I'm bleeding, dieing, or dating."

"Potter, then, you always liked Potter," he tried to sound nonchallant.

She eyed him suspiciously. Nodding slightly like she didn't want to disturb the madman, she said, "Tell him that I was closer to his godfather, the only real family he ever had, than he was and never felt the need to tell him I had a reliable method of communication open with Sirius almost since he escaped Azkaban? I would have to comfort _him_, not really what I'm looking for."

"Then Granger! The mu...girl's always around; she's a girl; why can't you go to her?" he was getting desperate.

She took a step back, afraid he really had snapped. Taking a breath in through he teeth, she answered. "I don't want quotes and advice and platitudes. I don't even want blind sympathy. I need someone who _understands_ and there was only one and he's dead. That's it. Can I leave?"

"No." He answered automatically. He was running out of ideas and had to figure something out. He couldn't let her leave until his world was set to rights.

"Why!" she demanded.

He couldn't stop himself, he just answered. "Because things aren't fixed yet! Everything is messed up! Everything is wrong! You are supposed to have fire, life, even _love_," he said the last word like it had a bad taste. "You're a Gryffindor! You have family! You have friends!"

"What on earth are you babbling about?" she was now staring in disbelief.

"We're supposed to be opposites! I'm nasty, you're nice! I'm cruel, you're kind! I'm alone, you're not! I lie, you're honest! People hate me and love you! I hate people, you love them!" He knew he was sounding like an idiot, but he couldn't stop. "We FIGHT! That's the way things work! I insult you and you insult me! You need to have passion because I have _none_! You've thrown off the entire universe! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HATE ME!" He stopped. Why did it matter so much to him in the first place? Had he seriously lost his mind?

So that's what this was all about? He wanted her to fight with him again? He had a serious screw loose. "The universe? That's being a bit meladramatic, isn't it?" She really had no idea how to react to this. She was supposed to balance him? What in the name of Merlin's beard did that mean?

He stared at her like she was the one who had gone crazy, not him. "We are here, aren't we? I _touched_ you, _VOLUNTARILY!_ I **HELD **you!"

Okay, he had a point there. Something was majorily off for him to care at all, for any reason.

"You think I'd really care about your loss if it didn't effect me?" He had finally recovered his icy cruel demeanor.

When a man is right, he's right. "You want me to hate you? FINE!" she glared daggers at him. "I hate you!" She threw a cookie at his head to prove her point. "You say I've imbalanced the _universe?_ TOO BLOODY BAD! I'm **_sorry_ **my grief has _inconvenienced_ you, but GUESs WHAT! **IT'S MY BLOODY GRIEF! **SO DEAL WITH IT!" She shoved him away from the door and stormed out.

He turned back to the couch and sunk down into it, resting his head in his hands. So much for getting things back to normal, they were more jacked up than ever.


	6. Draco Falls

The next couple of days were worse than ever. They practically had the castle to themselves and she was avoiding him. He could almost feel her around every corner. He was constantly aware of her presence and proximity, but he never saw her.

What was worse was that there was no one else around to torment, to take his frustration out on. He was forced to entertain himself and that was not something he was used to. Okay, so maybe it was, but it had always been easy, now he couldn't read, he didn't feel like studying, he just couldn't concentrate on anything. His thoughts always wandered in _her_ general direction, wondering where she was, how she was doing, or worse, reliving everything she had said to him and the look on her face just before she left.

This couldn't be happening, it just couldn't. He simply could not be concerned about a Weasley. It was impossible. So why did he wish he could go back and change that entire evening? Why did he regret saying most of the things he had said? Did he really feel _guilty_ about something? He wasn't capable of that, was he?

She hated him. That was what he wanted, wasn't it? That was the way the universe worked. If she didn't hate him the resulting imbalance would be disasterous. But...there would only be an imbalance if he _did_ hate _her_. He did hate her, right? He _knew_ something terrible would happen because she had changed. _He_ was changing!

Why did it matter? Maybe, somewhere else in the world, someone else had changed as drastically as she had. Maybe the _universe_ was still balanced and all he had to think about was keeping himself sane. He better see that anyway because he was certainly pushing the boundaries.

He stood in the castle overlooking the grounds again. There was a beautiful blanket of snow covering everything and the sky was crystalline blue. Everything was peaceful, a complete antithesis to how he felt.

Great! There she was again. Did she ever stay inside? At least she was wearing a hat this time. She seemed so small out there, all alone. He watched as she started to dance in the snow and then stop abruptly and stare out across the lake. He wondered what had been going through her head.

Why did he care? So what if she hadn't pushed him away like anyone else would have done? So what if she found comfort in his arms when no one else could provide it? So what if he _did_ understand what it was like to be all alone? So bloody what if her eyes looked more hurt than angry as she had stormed out?

She had accepted him, that's what. She hadn't been disgusted when she realized her comfort was from him. She had accepted him. She had trusted him to help her for just one evening. She had trusted him to keep his bloody mouth shut for just one night. She had found comfort in his arms. That meant she was comfortable. That meant that she wasn't afraid of him, hadn't despised him, and most certainly wasn't in awe of him. She had just accepted him and felt comfortable with him, as if they were the same. No one did that, ever, and now she never would again either.

She shouldn't be alone. Not her. She deserved life and love. She deserved warmth and comfort.

He watched her as she knelt down and started crying again.

No, she couldn't live like this. Balance be damned, she just deserved better. He had never believed in good and bad before, not really, but she was good. He was sure of that now. She was good and she deserved better. No one should be stuck in a life like his, alone and forced to wear a mask at all times, no one, especially not her.

He couldn't watch her anymore. He turned away from the window and made his way back to his common room. He didn't know what he would do there but he had to do something, anything, to take his mind off of everything.

That evening at dinner she actually showed up. There was a total of seven people at the table. Dumbledore, two Racenclaws, two Hufflepuffs, _her_, and himself. Everyone else had gone home. Two of the others had only remained to keep their friends from being alone.

She was sitting across from and didn't say a word through the whole meal. She just sat there, watching everyone else. He didn't speak either. The Ravenclaws and the Hufflepuffs seemed to get along pretty well, though, so there was plenty to listen to. Not that it was that enteresting, they were only third year and were all girls.

_She _didn't eat that much, if at all. Quite a bit before dessert she got up and left. Draco followed her out, not interested in dinner anymore.

The door in the entrance hall was open and he could see her sitting out on the steps. He went and sat beside her.


	7. Ginny Moves

Ginny hadn't gone back to her tower after she left the Room of Requirement. Instead, she had wandered the castle for a few hours. She didn't want to cry anymore and she knew that if she stopped moving the tears would start flowing. Eventually her bodied cried out for sleep and she returned to her room.

The next few days she kept to herself, choosing to eat in the kitchen rather than the Great Hall with the five other students in the castle. She spent most of her time walking on the grounds or sitting before the common room fire, trying to come to terms with her grief.

The problem was that her thoughts kept turning back to Malfoy. At first it was just anger. He wouldn't care about her unless it effected him. She was a moping _thing_. She had upset _his_ life. Before long, though, she found herself thinking more of his eyes as he had explained why her depression had upset him so. The confusion, the frustration, they seemed so lost. His words had been so cruel, but his eyes had been so…confused. She couldn't find a better word for it.

From there her thoughts took her rather reluctantly to the way his arms had felt around her. They really had been the first source of warmth she had found in months, the first place she felt safe. There was a strength there that came from only one place, understanding. He had been uncomfortable at first, holding her, but he had, and he didn't have to. Regardless of he said about her throwing the universe off kilter, he had _not _**had** to stay. He had chosen to. He had _chosen_ to comfort her.

Not to mention the fact that every time he managed to recover his cruel demeanor it seemed forced and he seemed relieved. It honestly seemed as though cruelty was the challenge and concern the nature, contrary to every previous indication. Was it actually possible that her change had such a profound effect on him? Could _he_ change?

All of this confusion wasn't exactly helping close the hole Sirius had left in her life. If anything it made her miss him more. She couldn't write in the journal, tell him everything, and expect sound advice, or at least a sympathetic reply. There would be nothing, no reply. She had to learn how to handle life on her own. It was high time she did so anyway. She was fifteen and it was time to grow up. She would move on with life. All right, so maybe the confusion had helped some.

Determined to reclaim her life, she decided to actually enjoy the day's walk on the grounds. The world was covered in a blanket of snow, the sky was the most beautiful blue she could imagine, it all seemed so peaceful, so light. She started to dance as she walked as she had once done cheerfully.

As she danced her eyes fell on the lake and it all hit her. She just stopped moving as she stared out across the thick sheet of ice. She was alone. She had to face all of this alone. She fell to her knees and cried for the last time as a child.

The rest of the afternoon was not spent in grief or looking back. The rest of the afternoon was spent looking forward. Now that she had finally taken that first step she could think clearly. Malfoy was first time thinking of someone other than himself. It may have started because his world had been disrupted, but it had started, and it was taking him places he had never been before, deeper than he had ever gone. Maybe he wasn't beyond reach after all. Maybe he was simply as alone as she was. Maybe he simply felt the way she had between the night in the Chamber of Secrets and the evening she found Sirius. Maybe all he needed was someone to find him.

She went to dinner that evening for the first time since their encounter. She wasn't sure how he would react. He didn't say anything, no insult, no query, he just watched her carefully. It really was unbearable, listening to the girls discuss their hopes and dreams, and she had accomplished what she had come for, she had gotten his attention. She got up and left.

She went outside and sat down on the steps, leaving the door open behind her. She didn't know whether or not he would follow her, but she wanted him to at least know where she had gone.

She smiled to herself as he came out and sat next to her.

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A/N sorry for the cliffhanger, it being at the end of two chapters and all, but really, after the pattern this fic has taken, you really should have seen it coming, right? anyway, i'll update again tomorrow so you won't be tortured too much longer.  



	8. Draco Changes

She was watching him; he could feel her eyes. She was waiting for him to say something, explain why he was here. Well, at least she hadn't gotten up and walked away. That was encouraging, a little.

He sat there, feet on the second step below him, leaning forward, elbows on his knees, staring down at his hands as they fidgeted slightly. How had he even _thought_ about doing this, let alone think it would be _possible_?

Was he really going to tell her how he felt? Everything? This wasn't possible. What would happen next? Even if she did believe him…his father was going to kill him. He couldn't think about that. All that mattered right now was her, making her understand. He had to make her understand. It was all he could give her.

He cleared his throat. "Listen, okay? Just…just listen. I won't…just listen." What a weak start!

She nodded beside him.

"I'm sorry. Some of the things I said the other night were…nothing short of cruel and you didn't deserve it." He stood and started pacing back and forth on the step in front of her.

"All I know is that when I looked in your eyes on the train in September I felt like the world had stopped turning. It seemed so horribly wrong to find that kind of emptiness in _you_, and in no one else acted like they had noticed anything." He paused for a moment to look at her; she had apparently been watching him as he paced. He couldn't look at her long; he didn't want to attempt to read her face.

"Once we got here," he resumed his pacing, "I watched you. It was like a cloud had settled and followed you around, separating you from everyone else. Again, no one else seemed to notice, they all treated you, looked at you, like they always had, like nothing was wrong. It was disturbing. The darkness that had claimed you belonged to us, to Slytherin. The sharp contrast…I don't know!" He stopped pacing again, but this time faced out, away from her. He was so confused. He couldn't even explain this bit to himself. He had to move on. He would stand there rambling forever and she wouldn't understand a word of it. It would probably frighten her because he probably sounded like a madman. Well, if he had gone mad it was her fault.

Turning abruptly to face her, he almost shouted, "I don't know why in bloody hell it bothered me so bad but it did. It turned everything upside down and sideways until I couldn't tell what direction I was coming from anymore. All I knew was that if it wasn't corrected I would lose my bloody mind." He turned and sat down again. He shouldn't have shouted at her. He was falling apart. How could he make it through this? He closed his eyes, trying to calm himself down and stop the building panic. He took a deep breath. He was getting to the hard part, the part where he started to care.

His voice continued, almost too faint for her hear as he talked to the grounds before them. "Then I saw you in the storm. You looked so small and fragile out there. I couldn't leave you there, alone. I was sure you would push me away, refuse my help, but you didn't, not even when you realized who I was." He hung his head. "It…seeing you like that…you've been so strong for so long. It made me angry that they had left you here alone." His voice trembled with the still very real anger. He couldn't believe they would leave her alone when she was so obviously troubled by something. He couldn't believe they didn't even _know_ she was troubled.

She slowly moved down so she was sitting beside him.

He immediately stood and started pacing again. He was trying to forget that she was there. He was trying to convince himself he was talking to the wind. How the hell had she done this to him? She was just sitting there. His nerves were really beginning to get to him. He hated feeling nervous. He had to get this whole bloody thing over with. "Then, when you curled up next to me…Gah! You had no right to do that!" he turned and yelled at her. Resuming his pacing, he continued. "But you _did_! You shouldn't _trust_ me! You shouldn't be _comfortable_ around me! I'm supposed to _hate_ you! I'm not supposed to _protect_ you! You're a _blood traitor_! You're _poor_! You're _beneath_ me! But there I _sat_, _holding_ you! Worse than that, it felt _good!_"

He stopped and turned back to the ground, balled his fists and gave a strangled yell. He really did _not_ want to continue. "It scared me. I had to fight it. I had to get things back the way they're supposed to be." His feet started moving and he was pacing again. He took a deep breath. He was reliving all of the emotions he had felt over the past four months in one conversation. It was exhausting. When he spoke next, his voice was soft again. "I saw you again, out on the grounds this morning. I saw you dancing. I saw you fall." He paused again to look at her. She looked so concerned.

Taking a seat next to her, he started talking to her shoes. "I…it hurt…to watch you. What you said was true. I _do_ know what it means to be alone. I knew then, watching you, wishing with everything in me that knew how that you weren't alone, I knew then what it feels like to want to keep someone safe, protect them. If that is what everyone feels…" He turned to face her, his eyes begging her to understand. "All I've ever known is my father and what he is. I don't _understand_ anything else. Now, though, I can't…I can't…the two worlds cannot coexist." He hid his face from her yet again.

He brought his hands up, laced his fingers through his hair, and held his head "While I held you I wasn't alone anymore. I was wanted, I was needed." He dropped his hands again and looked at her with desperation and pleading in every feature. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I tried not to care. I'm sorry I tried not to…feel." He hung his head even lower than before and brought his hands up to his neck like he was hiding. "I'm sorry."


	9. Ginny Notices

"Draco?" she said softly, "I still need you." She had watched him, and her heart had wrenched with every frustrated step he took. He was so different than she had ever seen him. He was so scared, so vulnerable. She couldn't help herself, she reached out and wrapped her arms around him, pulling his head to her shoulder.

He let himself be pulled into the embrace, lowering his hands. "How could you need me?"

His voice sounded so much like a pouting little boy, and the absurdity of his question made her laugh.

He sat up and looked at her like he couldn't believe she would laugh at him.

"You can't be serious?" she asked with a smile. "Without you, I'm alone, remember? You're now the only one who understands."

"But, how..." he began to ask.

She shrugged. "I don't know, but we'll figure it out. Just...just please don't leave me alone again." She was suddenly scared.

It was his turn to pull her into _his_ arms the way she had done to him early. Resting his cheek on her head, he said, "No, no, I won't. I'm not sure I could go back to being alone myself."

She started crying. He just held her and let her cry.

When she stopped, she brought her hand up to wipe her eyes. "I'm sorry, I thought I was through crying for him."

"Don't apologize. All your crying was done alone. No one should cry alone." He felt her nod against him. "Do you want to go for a walk?" She nodded again and stood up.

They walked in silence for quite a while. Neither one of them could really believe what was happening.

Ginny thought about what she was doing. She wouldn't leave him alone, no matter what it meant. He needed her as much as she needed him. She sighed heavily. She felt him look at her before he placed an arm around her shoulders.

She almost stopped walking. It felt so right, to have that arm holding her, but what did it mean? She needed him, yes. But how? All she needed was a friend. All she needed was for someone to be there for her when she felt like the world was crashing about her ears. All she needed was someone she could trust. He was certainly all of that now.

Who would have thought? Never in a million years would she have imagined that she would trust Malfoy, much less consider him her best friend. That was all he was, right? Her new best friend?

She felt her arm move so that it was around his waist. She hadn't told her arm to do that, had she? She felt dizzy. What was happening? This morning she had determined that she would reach out to him, let him know it was safe to be honest with her. She hadn't expected him to do so so quickly. She certainly hadn't been expecting that speach he had made. Being this close to him this fast was making her head spin.

She subconsciously turned her face in a little so that it was against his shoulder. She couldn't help but notice how good he smelled. She felt his head turn so that his face was in her hair. It was only a moment and he turned his face away again. Taking a slight detour by his face, she turned her eyes back to what was in front of them.

He was so comfortable. He felt so right. What was she getting herself into? She was falling and she was falling faster than she thought was humanly possible. It couldn't be good to fall this fast, could it? She stopped walking and looked up into his face. She had to know.


	10. Balance

When she stopped, he turned so that they were standing directly in front of each other, so close that she could feel his chest pressing against her. Neither one of them dropped their arms.

She caught his eyes and looked into them searchingly. He held her gaze and brought his free hand up to put some hair behind her ear, sliding his hand down along her jaw. His eyes lowered to her lips and the arm around her shoulders lowered to her back. She felt him pull her in and saw him drawing his face nearer her own before she closed her eyes. Her free hand found his shoulder just before she felt his lips tentatively brush her own.

When she rose up on her toes ever so slightly to return the kiss he gently applied a little more pressure. She felt his lips move against her and she gripped his robes in her fists as his hand ran up into her hair. She pushed herself up further and felt his lips gently part. She was sure she would fall if he released her. Her head was buzzing and everything was tingling.

She parted her own lips and he deepened the kiss. As soon as she tasted him she wrapped her arms tighter and he felt her fingernails and she renewed her grip on his robes. She felt his hand grip her waist and whimpered quietly as his other hand slid down to her neck.

She tried to take a step closer to him but she was already as close as she could get. He moaned as she pushed herself up and put more force into the kiss. He met her energy eagerly. She tasted so sweet. He lost himself in the feel of her.

When they pulled apart, she merely lowered herself back to her heels as he rested his cheek on her head. Their hold on each other _may_ have relaxed a little, but neither moved to seperate. "What's happening, Draco?"

"I don't know," he whispered, "whatever it is, it's dangerous."

"We'll survive," she said, pressing her face into his shoulder. "We'll find a way."

"We should talk to Dumbledore," he said after a moment.

She smiled. "Did you hear what you just said?"

He smiled as well, "Yes. I told you; you drove me mad."

Tilting her head back so her chin rested on his chest, she looked up at him. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

He pressed his lips to hers again. He was slightly surprised by the speed with which she rose up to him, but accepted it eagerly. After all, if Ginevra Weasley, lively Gryffindor, knew such emptiness, darkness, and pain, Draco Malfoy, subtle Slytherin, would _have_ to know comfort, joy, and love for the universe to be balanced, right?

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fin

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A/N yes, this is the end. this was a story about how they got together, about balance, about actions and reactions, about cause and effect. what happens next is just life.


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